Ali's blog

Leaders, where are they?

2007-04-24T12:42:00.000-07:00

Another meeting, another hour of my life I won't get back.

No agenda, no definite outcome no proposals just a general get together to see if anyone may have any ideas about how we may progress or develop a service with no clear vision and no clear lead.....what could go wrong!

Again, no one person allowed anyone to finish their sentence no one person encouraged another with a definite "yes, that could work", just a sort of positive mumble followed by a stream of , "but have you thought of" and "yes but what about" and not one person offered to work with anyone else on their idea.

Everyone wanted to run with their own idea and be in charge of everything but were not prepared to put in the hours to make it happen. So many willing supervisors and oversee ers (is that a word?) but no flaming workers.

Why do we have so many meetings? Is it to try and find a common ground, make everyone feel involved, info gathering or just to make us feel important and productive.

I'm all for everyone having a say which is acknowledged and valued but we need leaders to have a central vision to run and lead from within. A good leader will be followed. People want to buy into a clear vision and model and affect the pathway to which a common goal is achieved but for it to be successful the outcome must be well defined and the pathway to achievement closely monitored and controlled.

It seem such a shame that we appear to lack those leaders who will stand up for their convictions and say follow me we can do this together, who will empower and facilitate people to collectively achieve a central vision but will stand firm on the purpose and direction.

I think people want to be heard but within the safety of a caring environment where we value each other but each have a clearly defined role within a structure where we allow those who can take up the slack and the pressure do so and guide those who need to be led whilst empowering them to achieve in their area of talent.

We need each other, why can't we look at each others good qualities, recognise we are all different and we are all as important as each other. By agreeing this we can see we are all equal and we could achieve so much if we joined together and worked as one towards a common goal, be it in our work place, the church and in business.

Dental Angel

2007-03-07T10:15:00.000-08:00

I had to go to the dentist today, I am soooooooooooooooo scared of needles and blood. I have had four children by normal delivery and I would rather do that again than go see a dentist. But, the pain got too much after my filling fell out so my beautiful hubby made me an appointment to stop me moaning and waking him at night. I managed to hold out for three months but apparently, I've been very grumpy and I now have an ulcer from taking too much Nurofen.

Dr Sharpell, Portsmouth Road is amazing! The man is a dental genius. One root canal identified and refilled within 30 mins and we managed to put the NHS to rights. No pain, he is an angel!

I grew up in Scotland where my parents owned the local store. We had an awesome selection of sweeties, those ones in those big jars which lined one wall. This mixed with spending a very large part of my life to date North of the border has resulted in several fillings (some are due to having a rather violent conflict with a Roller Hockey ball but that's another story) . It didn't ever get any better because once you have that sweet taste (I like deep fried mars bars!) your stuck!

To date, with creme eggs getting smaller every year thereby necessitating the consumption of two or more in any one sitting I fear some radical intervention may be required in my latter years.

Why didn't God make us like crocodiles..................

Time

2007-03-05T08:33:00.000-08:00

Why if there are 24 hours in a day do we only work for 9 of them?

I'm trying to rearrange my time to manage it better to complete the tasks I need to do and do the things I want to do.... but when I eventually get around to doing some tasks everyone I need to talk to and most systems I need to access are either asleep or closed shut down!

Sundays

2007-03-04T16:38:00.000-08:00

Church at home today.

1030 start so plenty of time for a lie in.

The day comprises of five rounds of tea and coffee, homemade cakes and a full cooked two course meal. Everyone arrive, excellent company comprising six families, 33 in total, 19 of which are ages six months to nine years. The children are whisked away for an hour of fun packed children's activities whilst the grown ups drink tea and coffee and eat the stickier versions of the cakes. biscuits. They have the daunting task of chatting, praying and generally putting the world to rights. Then we all have dinner, home cooked food, buckets of it. Gooey puddings you wouldn't normally make for yourselves. Then more talking, Pool games and a film for the little guys and several of the dads normally. We all tidy up and go home in time for tea and bath / bed time for shattered children and partners.

This is church!!!! Man why doesn't everyone go!!

Wow. How big?

2007-03-03T05:10:00.000-08:00

This week I have been shown again how big God is. I had the privilege of looking after a lovely lady in the latter stages of her terminal illness. She had the advantage of knowing that she was soon to die, she had made the decision to stop all the treatment she was receiving. In making this choice she prepared herself for the inevitable and actively made peace with each member of her family, saying her goodbyes and thanking them for being a wonderful family. She was old and could be extremely difficult! She had ruled and led the family for over eighty years and did so to the last minute but she was wise and a believer. She knew she was going somewhere where there would be no more pain, no more debility where she could do what she wanted to do. She was happy that her suffering and the burden she felt she placed on her family would be over. A new beginning for all. She felt sorry for her girls she was leaving behind because she was off to a better place!
She passed away peacefully. A dead body looks so very different than a live one within seconds of death. That something, "the life" isn't there, the physical vessel looks exactly the same but that special unique thing that made them them has gone. God made this bit and God took it away. How awesome is that? There can be no doubt about God's existence when we see life.

It was a privilege to be with someone as they move on, to share in their preparation and in the "sorting" that facilitates their peace. It is such a personal thing and probably one of the most important things for her and her family, I was touched and moved by the frankness and openness that materialised as this family experienced the vulnerability of being in the presence of God's plan.

Time off

2007-02-02T10:39:00.000-08:00

A day at home......I had a long soak in the bath ON MY OWN!

I had it REALLY hot with grown up bath oil (not Mr Matey) and I read a book and drank a cup of tea in the bath. No bubbles, no shaving foam pictures on the tiles no pricess mermaid and ponies in the bath just me....................it was so quiet and there was so much room!

That's me set now for another four months.

Pain

2007-01-26T13:01:00.000-08:00

It's been a tough week! I'm on my knees. One too many things to do and not enough time to do them.

This week had the anniversary of one of our close friends dying. She was the same age as me, mum of three and God took her after a horrible eighteen months of treatment for lung cancer.

No matter what anyone says about her winning or finishing her race, being at peace, or having won her battle it still hurts like hell. I miss her and no matter how much I believe in God I'm still angry when I think of her because he took her away from us. We all prayed for healing and sat by her bedside for days bargaining and pleading, lots happened in our relationships and those of her family and with her and God but she still died. In human terms we have lost something so very precious and the multitude of emotions which accompany this I still cannot begin to understand or process.

Girlie!

2007-01-15T12:11:00.000-08:00

I forgot to mention in my previous post the reason why it's been so long since my last wibble.........
being an airhead chick I forgot my password!

My beautiful husband came to my rescue and sorted it all out with e mails and computer stuff which I find all very boring and have absolutely no understanding. Now this brought to mind me being a girl! I know I set women's lib back by years in some ways because I just love being a girl! I like it when a man holds a door open for me or moderates his language because I'm within earshot, I firmly believe that their are "boy jobs" (putting the bins out, everything to do with cars, anything mechanical and lifting heavy things) and "girl jobs", (cleaning, cooking, ironing, shopping and organising) . I also love it when men "look after" us girls , those little things like scraping the car when its icy, making special coffee after meals, being a shoulder to cry on , a big hug when we need one and generally building us up when we're feeling a bit snowed under.

BUT...............

I hate it when anyone assumes we can't/won't do something because we're girls. And just because we can doesn't mean we should.
I do girlie things because God made me a girl. I love being a girl. My man loves me because I'm a girl. GOD MADE US DIFFERENT. Apart from the obvious anatomical minnie/winkie thing we're so very different on the inside.

Girls lets be girls God made us girls lets be proud of that. This in no way demeans who we are or what we stand for or believe in.

Now my car, it's an estate, it's full of rubbish , kids clothes and half eaten food. I have pink fluffy dice in the window and a "Princess on board" sticker in the window. I drive within the speed limits and in the middle lane on the motorway, my parking is terrible and I listen to the Corrs. But, I love cars and speed. Under that dirt encrusted exterior is a awesome V8 4.4l engine which can do 0 - 60 in under 7 seconds.

I was driving home from a church meeting one Sunday when a young man wearing dark shades pulled up alongside me at some traffic lights. His windows were down and his music was extremely loud. He revved his engine and his very big exhaust made a very low rumbling and his spoiler thingy shook like mad. He looked across and I dread to think what he was thinking as I sat there in my mum jeans, muffin top visible over my short t shirt (shrunk in wash, not a trend thing) trying to find Radio 4. And then it happened, that feeling I get when I think someone has made a judgement on what they perceive and not on the truth. The traffic lights went to amber he revved, I waited, GREEN ..........I floored it left him standing but not before smiling sweetly when I really wanted to give him the bird! Left him standing without breaking the speed limit!

Beaten by a mum in an estate! Assumptions..................................

I love being a girl!

Home Church

2007-01-15T10:21:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year everyone!

I'd heard of home school and thought, hard work, lots of mess and absolutely no peace and quiet. I love my children dearly but the occasional quiet moment in our house is golden and I do not have the patience or the knowledge to impart the entire National Curriculum to our children in a calm and nurturing way!

Well this year has brought "Home Church" - I prepared in anticipation for last Sunday for the arrival of several families and their various offspring at 1030 for a meeting to decide how we wanted to "do church" in a small group setting in a home environment. Lasagne, mountains of garlic bread and numerous puddings prepared we were ready.....

The men coalesced around the Poole table and the testosterone started to flow, before long the Poole tournament had started. With lots of "helpful advice" from their wives and children the men battled it out.

Coffee/tea started flowing with lots cakes (Homemade of course because we are Christians!) the women started to talk as the children were siphoned off for some very loud and boisterous singing and bible stories in another room. By the time I emerged covered in paint a little dishevelled from hand painting with ten under 8's the other parents had arranged rotas for preparing bible studies with / without worship songs, food rota for eating together after every meeting and cake rotas for coffee time. It was all so organised and grown up. Several of the group announced they had done "home church" for all their younger years and guided everyone through the concept. We all ate dinner together, there was a flurry of activity and my kitchen was cleaner than when we had started , more coffee and tea, a girlie Poole tournament (all games took a great deal longer and provided much amusement for the males) and everyone slobbed and then wandered home just in time for tea.

So...... all my fears were unfounded, I was imagining long painful silences or worse still expressions of discontentment at being forced to change the format of "church", there was no lack of direction, there was no need to organise and delegate, there was no need to "encourage" involvement in the rota's it just happened.
How awesome is that, it challenged me that I say "we are the church" and then I'm amazed the things we can achieve when we are left on our own. People who normally sit on the sidelines emerged as efficient organisers, shy but gifted bible scholars and excellent hosts!

How many of us have criticised "the church" for not providing what we want and not meeting our perceived needs when we have felt not part of the group? now we have the chance to discover what we want and how we can make it happen. We have been released to find out what being part of the church really is and we find ourselves naturally drawn to meeting together and sharing everything from burnt garlic bread to intimate counsel!

AWESOME!

A dozen dozy dingbats

2006-12-18T15:25:00.000-08:00

The most frustrating things in the world are "meetings".

A collection of people meet in a room which is usually too small with the purpose of making a decision about something. No one quite knows what the outcome is supposed to be, everyone had some radical life changing ideas but acknowledged that whilst good in theory they are all too busy to formulate a plan to implement them, not one person extended anyone the courtesy of letting any person finish a sentence before batting back the negatives and reasons why it couldn't possibly work. Not one word of encouragement passed the lips of those in the room!

And so an hour today was spent discussing the feasibility of doing some work into the possibility of formulating something which might influence and even help a needy group of people but we concluded that we all had neither the time or the staff to do this in our current situation when we are all so busy . . . . attending bloody useless meetings!

(12 people so 12 paid working hours plus travelling time, half hour each way that's 24 working hours - we all do this at least twice a week that's 48 HOURS A WEEK - that's a full working week focused on what we can't achieve)

I believe every person as an idea in them, a vision , however small to do something that WILL change someone's life. We are not all destined to change the world or influence the masses but perhaps if we listened to one another , encouraged and built each other up to believe in what we CAN do,we might be surprised what happens. Start small!

Virgin Blogger!

2006-12-16T15:02:00.000-08:00

What a day!

Woken up with a serious crushing pain in my chest, very hot and finding it difficult to breathe....first thought was angina and then who's going to finish the Christmas cake today? I then opened my eyes to find our smallest child asleep on top of me , our number two son cuddled up to me on the left and my husband to the right.
I love Saturdays no alarm no work and Saturday treat Coco Pops and pancakes/croissants for breakfast.

Breakfast done (spontaneous resolution of chest pain with removing small child from the bed) we started the Hanna bead Christmas decoration production. 7 children two new boxes of beads made 12 amazing decorations (which I had to iron carefully under very close supervision and instruction from each child) and a very large proportion of the 22,000 new beads ended up on the floor. A competition ensued to see who could collect the most beads off the floor, a competition which I lost :) amazing what children will do for chocolate!

7 children for lunch and then the tree and the decorations. I managed to convince them all that in order for us to start putting up the decorations we had to put all the laundry away and tidy up all of downstairs. What a result! An immaculate house and they were still raring to go! More chocolate and we started the decorations. Now all our children (4) are under 8 and our friends three are all between 4 and 10., average height 4ft and a bit hence all the decorations and the entire two sets of lights were below our waist level. The decs in the hall were all masked by the 25m of sellotape beautiful Ettie had tried to cut to put them up. I'll sort them later when they are all asleep, no one will be any wiser and no feelings hurt!

Decs finished , fruit bread and flapjacks to be made. Our friends picked up their children, Auntie Heather visited and Con popped in with some paperwork but production continued. They came, they went, frothy coffee was made and consumed not a beat was missed. I just need to sort the kitchen and load the dishwasher now!

Bathed all 4, hair wash for the big Christmas production at Church tomorrow, costumes ready (took a while to explain to Ettie why as Mary she had to have a tea towel on her head to which she answered "mummy , you are very silly , they didn't have tea towels when Mary was alive!" one wonders what they dried their dishes with??

Chip shop chips for tea! A true Saturday treat AND new film to watch because the kids favourite babysitter was coming over to sit whilst we went to another amazing friends 50th birthday party.

We left them all cuddled up with the beautiful babysitter and a huge amount of chocolate and left for the party. Here we saw more of our amazing friends, gassed, laughed and ate sumptuous food. I spent a long time talking to someone I have known in passing for a long time but never felt strong enough to talk to. An amazing woman who is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. I'm not good at talking to people as friends, spending my life hiding behind a barrier of professionalism and boundaries. I feel safe here most of the time but it can be very lonely. Tonight I met a new friend!

Came home to a quiet house, dropped lovely babysitter at home did the last minute shopping for tomorrow when we are having lots of our church family for lunch. Chicken bits are in the marinade, meats cooking, potatoes for skins in cooking just the chocolate cake to make , the decs to redo and the dishwasher to load.

I love being a Mum!